Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
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