please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
