Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Randomize
