And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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