after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
