There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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