just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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