New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
