I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
