i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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