This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
is that a dick in a sweater?
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Randomize
