Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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