Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
