She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
