Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
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