wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Randomize
