Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Randomize
