Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
