I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Randomize
