You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
