She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
