I hate your face
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
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