hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Hey man sorry I got all grabby
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
