how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
high people should be assigned attendants
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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