everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
organizing the empties. That sober.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Randomize
