The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
