Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
