White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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