he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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