When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
