One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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