I didn't shave. On purpose
found the other keg... it's in the tree
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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