she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize