shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
