Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Randomize
