So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
