Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
so much tequila, so little girl.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Randomize
