I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
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