I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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