Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
