so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
