Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
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