I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Randomize
