He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
