i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
