I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
