oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Randomize
