I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize
