I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
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