those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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