I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
