3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
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