i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
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