At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Randomize
