I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Randomize
