He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
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