He asked me if I "almost moaned"
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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