i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
