Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
