don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
