At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
