I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
