I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
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