Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Tell her she can't have a vagina
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
