It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize