if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
