Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
