wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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