is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Randomize
