HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
