Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
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