Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Randomize
