I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
