Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
