apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
All the doctor said was why
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
I party with great urgency now.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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