he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Randomize
