just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Randomize
