you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
