If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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