I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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