it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
