dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
