I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
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