dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
