Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Randomize
