is your mom at the bar?
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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