woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize