You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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