just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
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