I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
