so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
