And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
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