Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
