he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
