my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
