he looks like a really good dad on facebook
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
