Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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